So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
