So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
