Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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