You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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