I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
