2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You need Xanax blowdarts
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
