I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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