Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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