She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
