Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
