Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
