Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
