And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
