When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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