I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
