Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
