how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
