Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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