I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
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I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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