I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize