Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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