it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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