Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
