New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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