my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
