Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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