I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
