She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
