We got so high we made milksteak
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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