Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
