Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
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You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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