i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it hurts more in the daytime
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize