Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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