I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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