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Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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