Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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