The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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