I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
