Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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