those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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