I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I met the friendliest cop last night
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
