he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
