i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
