He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
