how hairy? two words: wookie tits
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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