this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
