My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
