I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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