you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
