you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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