separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
