The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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