You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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