When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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