I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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