i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
