what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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