before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
