GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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