First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize