What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
