I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
