If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
